Adoption News:  I’ve been holding out on you.

(sorry about that.  Believe me, I was anxious enough for all of us.)

I called our agency to ask what was going on last Thursday, and they told me that our profile had gone out the day before, with two others, to a potential birthmom.


I was very proud of myself that I managed to wait until Friday to call and check in, and the social worker told me that she didn’t know anything yet, and that the birthmom’s usually take about two weeks to decide.

So, lalalalalalala, thinking about other stuff and trying not to hurt myself as I lunged for the phone the past few days, I finally heard back from the agency this morning.

And the birthmother selected us.

But our profile was mistakenly shown to someone who does not fit our preferences.

Which really bites, people.

Daddy J and I have mulled and discussed and researched and talked with friends and family and decided that we had a valid reason for our original preferences and that we are going to stick by them. 


Also, this mother is not due til April, which = a long time for her to change her mind or have a health issue, and also = a long time for our profile to be off the market after a match.

There are other concerns, too, which are completely valid and I believe wholeheartedly that we are not being too picky and that this baby will find  a wonderful forever home but still…


***edited to add*** At my friend Kim’s suggestion (she’s adopted previously from this agency) I called them up to give them the old what-for and a big ol’ guilt trip, in the hopes that they would show my profile again very soon to shut me up. 



The regular person is out on maternity leave (grumble, grumble, grumble)  and the fill-in person said it was probably the new mother’s fault and she would for sure send her an email and get this straightened out.  To my insistence that this was just heartbreaking and stressful for us, she commented that it was indeed very unfortunate, and that human error does sometimes happen, and is there anything else I can do for you?



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. B
    Nov 11, 2008 @ 22:33:01

    I am so excited for you. Yes it didn’t work out but this is great news because it means that you are getting looked at and that your profile is showing you in a great light! I hope this good news brings more of it’s kind soon. And as hard as it is I agree with your choice to stick with your first choices on what child you would be willing to take. It is so hard when someone is offering you a baby and some days you just want ANY baby that it is hard to keep the prospective clear, but in the long run you did the right thing. Best of luck!

  2. sweetsalty kate
    Nov 11, 2008 @ 23:58:21

    Holding my breath… and don’t feel badly for opting out of an situation that wasn’t what you’d chosen. You know in your hearts what to do, and when the opportunity arises, rainbow will pipe up and say “Hey mama, hey daddy! It’s gonna be ME!” and you’ll know.


  3. thisbumpyjourney
    Nov 12, 2008 @ 14:53:19

    Thanks B and Kate. It was a tough one, the saying No. I hate it for the pregnant mama, too; that bites that she made her choice, after much deliberation, and then got rejected, through no fault of her own. Bummer all around.

    I am hopeful, though, that it will happen soon. I am still on the verge of modifying our profile and omitting Wardie’s loss. It seems too much to share, in the same way that a widow wouldn’t share that she’d lost her husband and children in a horrifying accident years ago, and had remarried and now wanted to adopt… Losing a child is a lot to process and accept in an introductory booklet, I think.

  4. K5
    Nov 12, 2008 @ 22:51:34

    It is really important to stick with what you know you can do. It doesn’t help the baby or your family to decide to settle or work outside your comfort zone. The moment we looked at I’s video, we knew she was our daughter. No questions asked. It was just 2 minutes long but we knew. I do think you will know when it is right.

  5. B
    Nov 13, 2008 @ 22:41:39

    If you feel taking Ward out of your profile you should do that, but I want to share something with you.

    When my husband and I were putting together our profile I felt we should include our little girl who had died while my husband didn’t feel like it was the right thing to include in something like that. Being that I am a tad *just a wee bit really* stubborn I stuck it out and my husband finally agreed saying that if I felt that strongly about it… When it came down to being chosen our BM picked us for a number of reasons. First it was just the gut feeling that we were to be the parents to the child she carried. When we got to talking a little down the road and closer to the birth she shared with me that she felt that if nothing else it would be me that could associate with how she would feel and the grief she would go through letting this baby go. Why? Because I was a woman who lost a child, and though different, she was to be a woman who also lost a child. For her it was an important connection to be made. We didn’t share anything about our child other then the simple fact that we had lost a child in the summer of 2004. No details, no names, nothing definite or personal.

    I don’t want you to think I am saying you should take Ward out, or leave him in. Just don’t be scared to have that information in there even if you have to edit out details.

    I can’t wait to hear more news, and I hope and pray it is soon.

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