dazzled

The potential birthparents were… amazing.

They were every single thing we could have possibly hoped they’d be.  Affectionate, smart, kind, good-looking…  She reminds me a bit of a brown-eyed Oksana Baiul (she’s really pretty), and he kind of looks like he could be a cousin of Daddy J’s.  They play headphones for the baby, he hums to the baby, she talks to him – all of which terrifies me that they will change their minds and decide to parent.  Which, as great as they are, would not be a tragedy for the baby, but…

They do state emphatically that they are committed to their adoption plan, and she wept, explaining that they were happy tears because she liked us so much and was so glad that the baby was going into such a great home.  He clearly loves her, and explains that he wants her to have her own dreams come true, which would be very hard with a baby right now.

They are everything, EVERYTHING, that we would possibly wish for in birthparents.  I believe that the baby hears sounds and senses mama’s state of mind while in utero, and it’s awesome that they are being so responsible and loving.  The ultrasound was perfect, the doctor was perfect (he has adopted and is extremely supportive of both birth and adoptive parents), she gave us all the ultrasound pics, as well as the ones from her last visit.

But I have this fear that is going to stay with me until the baby is legally ours, that the rug is going to be yanked out from under me.  I keep thinking of Prom Queen Carrie – you love me! you love me! thank you so much! – immediately followed by pig’s blood and no baby for you, SUCKAH.

But.

But.

They express nothing but certainty now.  The baby and pregnancy are 100% healthy now.  Daddy J and I have no reason whatsoever to doubt that, if we do in fact bring Rainbow home with us, we will have won the lottery, hit the jackpot, and (as the Fishmaster would put it) landed a world record trout. 

A rainbow trout, right?  (can’t stop the corny even now, huh, Mama Jamz.)

**sigh**

I am trying to convince myself that I need to just open up my arms and accept that this wonderful gift is coming our way, that this is really happening, and we will have a new child early this spring.

Also: the due date is now March 1.

****edited to add: We did have one very cool thing happen that I am clinging to as a sign that, if nothing else, Goodness is with us on this trip, sharing the ride and offering support.   Daddy J and I went out to a super fancy Italian restaurant on Sunday night, just the two of us.  Daddy J ordered raw oysters and said they were out of this world, so I split his half dozen with him and we ordered more.  I found a perfect, tiny white pearl in mine.  I’m going to find a jeweler and make the birthmom a pendant after we bring Rainbow home – I’m thinking the pearl set into a heart with Rainbow’s birthstone, and his name on the back.  *That* makes me very happy to think about.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cousin Betsy T.
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 17:36:06

    Wow! I’m so glad that you felt good about them. I’m sure that they walked away feeling the same way about you two. This baby boy will be loved by so many people in so many ways. The pearl story is amazing. Keep us posted and think happy thoughts(-:

  2. B
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 18:47:56

    That is how we felt about meeting our set of BP’s, and it turned out great for us. It will turn out just as amazing with you guys. I couldn’t be more excited for you and the future of this little one. The pearl in the necklace is going to be stunning and amazing. You are so thoughtful.

  3. Debra
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 19:15:29

    I’m so happy for you and your family!!! And yes, you are very thoughtful. It just seems like the Universe is ready and open for this adoption to happen.

  4. charmarie221
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 19:24:03

    You see how awesome you are to think of doing something like that with the pearl? Awesome. But really, who even finds a pearl in their food? I just find hair and produce stickers. Seems like a good sign… 🙂

  5. sweetsalty kate
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 19:29:04

    sigh…. smile… what an incredible, wonderful idea for the pearl. And funny how treasure finds you, isn’t it?

    I’m so happy for you. I know it’s a nerve-wracking wait now, and I can’t recall if I’d passed this on to you yet – but you’d love Boho Girl. http://bohemiangirldesigns.blogspot.com/

    She and her husband just welcomed a baby boy the other day thanks to adoption – a long-awaited soul. She’s wonderful.. maybe a beacon for the same goodness in store for you?

    faith and love.
    xo

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