meeting the birthparents part deux

Tomorrow we go and and have our second meeting with the potential birthparents.

Whew.

Obviously, I’m totally preoccupied with whether the birthmom will change her mind and decide to parent, and thinking that the things I say and the way I look to her are really, really important as far as reassuring her goes.

And have probably been spending way too much time reading birthmother posts on forums like this where a lot of negative and angry and betrayed birthmothers post.

I don’t want  it to be that way.  I don’t want our birthmother to hurt or to be bitter or angry or depressed.  I am hoping that these really angry and sad birthmoms maybe didn’t fully understand their options, and that our situation will be different because our birthmom has had a lot of contact with the agency and seems like she really grasps what’s going on.  I want it to be better for her.

****

My aunt popped over today and told her that her youngest son’s due date was March 17 (or so) and she went into labor exactly one month early.  He was born after a very fast labor and weighed 8 lbs 15 oz. (same as Rockinrolla, now thatchamentionitt.)

So.

What if Rainbow came on Feb. 1 instead of March 1? 

HUH HUH HUH???

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mei-Ling
    Jan 06, 2009 @ 01:57:56

    If she deliberately CHOSE you and your husband.. then she probably won’t be angry.

    I can almost guarantee you that she will feel sad after varying points of her life.

    How could any mother give up a child – *whatever* the reason – and not feel a smidgeon of sadness…

  2. thisbumpyjourney
    Jan 06, 2009 @ 03:28:21

    I agree completely, Mei-Ling. We learned some about the grief that birthparents feel during the adoption education that we did for our homestudy (and continue to do with books and magazines about the house, and talking to people whose families are affected by adoption.) It’s not all sunshine and roses, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be a beautiful thing. It’s also likely that Rainbow will grieve for his birthparents, and that will just be something he will have to learn how to process, with our help.

  3. Mei-Ling
    Jan 06, 2009 @ 04:17:20

    Ah, I wasn’t sure if you had done any research about birthparents or the grief that an adoptee can feel. Sounds naive of me to “second-guess” that motive, but a lot of prospective parents like to remain dismissive and think that love = conquer all.

    I’m glad to see you have taken it into consideration. 🙂

    By the way… if I can ask… who is leaving the comments being perceived as nasty? I’ve been around the blogosphere quite a bit, so I’m just wondering if I would “know” who it is by username…?

  4. thisbumpyjourney
    Jan 06, 2009 @ 14:51:17

    I actually can’t remember her username – I deleted all of her comments. I have her email address but I don’t want to give that out.

    She didn’t use four letter words or name calling, but said things like “don’t you feel guilty for what you’re doing” and “if you really want an ethical adoption you need to change the way you’re acting…,” which I object to because she based that on, like, three posts that she read. That’s a lot of judging of actions that are very close to someone’s heart, and I don’t need the negativity during this emotional time.

    Out of respect for F. and J.’s (and our) privacy, I’m not posting intimate details here about their decision or our conversations. We’re all friends here, and my friends know that we are ethical, kind people who are doing our best with this situation, even if they don’t know every detail about it.

    btw, on one of your comments I think you asked if F. had chosen us, and yes, she selected our profile from a set after lengthy deliberation, and J. agreed with her choice. She reports to both us and her social worker that, after meeting us, she feels even more sure of her choice.

  5. Mei-Ling
    Jan 06, 2009 @ 17:04:01

    She should have looked further into your blog.

    I didn’t really ask – just confirming, because that was the impression I had from a few posts. 🙂

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