the downside of grief groups

I think I’m going to stop visiting grieving parent sites entirely.

They were such a lifeline after Ward’s accident.  I loved MISS foundation and chatting at the Compassionate Friends.  I’ve just checked in there sporadically in the past year or so, although I’ve lurked at MISS some recently to read posts about parenting susbsequent babies after child loss.

I think, though, that it’s actually adding to my fears in a Not Good way.  I realized (headsmack!) that everyone there has lost a child to illness or accident, so EVERY SINGLE PERSON has a child loss story to tell.  Tragic child loss is the norm there, and it feeds my dread that something awful might happen to Rainbow.  Like, in a big room full of people who speak German, you kind of start to feel like everybody speaks German, that that’s just the way it is.  When actually: NO, plenty of people in the world don’t speak German.  MOST people don’t.

So, yeah, I think I’m going to not go there, for now, anyway.  For my own good.  It kind of makes me feel like a bad friend, because I do (of course) care about the grieving parents there and know some of them from online talks, and am very grateful for the kindness and support I’ve gotten from grief groups in the past, and would probably be able to offer support and hope to some newly bereaved people, but…

Yeah.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Erin
    Jul 15, 2009 @ 03:39:54

    I think this stage is what is known as “Beyond Active Grieving”. It’s not like you don’t think of Ward every day and miss him. But you have the bright glow of a Rainbow to bask in right now. Ward’s angel light is forever on inside your soul.

    It’s OK to move away from these sites. One day, you may feel a call to go back and help those in who can’t see the light for the darkness. But for now, enjoy your Rainbow and the lightness of the smiles he brings. You deserve it.

  2. Erika
    Jul 16, 2009 @ 01:50:02

    what erin said; and a (hug)

  3. thisbumpyjourney
    Jul 16, 2009 @ 12:04:20

    Thanks, Erin and Erika. It’s kind of bittersweet, but good. (And hard; I’m going cold turkey.)

    lol – maybe I need a support group to help me quit my habit of going to support groups…

  4. Suzanne
    Jul 22, 2009 @ 19:41:51

    Call it the “Tyler Durden effect”… addiction to the emotional release of support groups!

  5. thisbumpyjourney
    Jul 24, 2009 @ 13:07:01

    Totally, Suzanne. I’ve thought about that sometimes while visiting support groups, too, and wondered if there are any Tylers lurking there, feeding off the emotions of others and sharing their own pretend tragedies. Hopefully they are few and far between.

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