It was funny (not really ha-ha funny) that when we were getting medical help to try to get pregnant, a couple of members of the medical team let slip that they assumed we were in a second marriage. Apparently it’s somewhat common for couples in a second marriage to need reproductive assistance to get pregnant, because of age or medical particularities of one of the spouses. Knowing we had Rockinrolla and the Commodore, they figured that this was a second marriage and now we wanted to have biological children together.

And I guess that’s what it might look like at this point, too, to strangers. We have kids who are 14 and 12, Ward, who’s unseen, and a 9 month old baby.

Which is really neither here nor there, just interesting.


It was strange talking with parents of one of the big boys’ friends yesterday. The husband has adult children with a previous wife and then the current couple have kids around our older kids’ ages, so I wonder if they guess we have the same sort of history: a remarriage and a decision to have children together in this new family incarnation. Or else that Rainbow is an Oops baby, a little unplanned surprise toward the end of my childbearing years. She, the mama, was asking about the boys’ ages: So, you have one 12 year old and one 14 year old and now a baby! They were very friendly and seemed fun, and I picture our families happily interacting as their son and Rockinrolla go through middle school and high school together – and it was the tiniest bit awkward, because they clearly didn’t know about Ward, and I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable during our first real conversation. But obviously if our sons’ friendship continues to grow and we spend more time with the parents, they’ll learn more about us. I didn’t really feel any pressure to fill them in at this point; I really just didn’t feel like sharing, so I didn’t: not about Ward or Rainbow’s adoption.

(And I wonder why I didn’t. I certainly have before, with people I hardly know and will probably never see again. Huh. Just wasn’t in the mood for some reason.)


I think the whole point, for me, is a reminder to be really careful making assumptions, even when it seems very clear that XYZ is going on with someone.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen Witkin Swidler
    Dec 06, 2009 @ 23:40:13

    Here’s another POV: I’m 38, going on 40, I suppose, and have not had ANY children yet. It’s not that we don’t want any, we’ve not “tried” with concerted effort. People LOVE to point out to me that I’m not getting any younger, then they launch into litanies of stories that they know about all of the maladies that children of “elderly” mothers experience. It’s truly invasive, and downright not nice! Regardless of how your children arrived into your household, you have a beautiful family. Tell everyone else to buzz off!

  2. thisbumpyjourney
    Dec 07, 2009 @ 15:46:16

    Yes, Karen, that’s totally, unbelievably rude that people tell you stuff like that. It is so crazy to hear what people apparently believe is okay to say out loud. I’ve verbally blundered plenty, but the sort of things you described sound to me like firmly held ideas that people just believe are TRUE and worth sharing, which is just beyond the pale. Yuck. I’m sorry you have to hear that sort of thing on occasion.

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