being done

Today cousin N and I had a baby shower for a good friend of ours. I grew up in the town 30 minutes to the south, and the honored mama was one of my good friends in early elementary school. We were in the same brownie troop and played at each other’s houses. We went to each other’s birthday parties.

She moved away after third grade, to another town not too terribly far off, but it meant that I didn’t see her again until a few years ago, when she and her husband moved RIGHT UP THE ROAD. Her husband is terrific, and they have three bio kids that are 5, 3, and 3. They are an amazingly sweet family; they go once a week to play music and sing at a nursing home. Yes. THAT sweet.

Anyway, they wanted a fourth child and domestic newborn adoption was the path they chose. They did their homestudy at the place Daddy J and I used. They were waiting a bit to commit to a larger agency when they got The Call. They were chosen by a birthmother who was going to be induced two weeks later. Adoption is a WILD RIDE. They brought her home from the hospital, waited out the Window at their home, and now this little girl is legally theirs.

So, cousin N and I had this baby shower. It was at N’s beautiful house, and I’m a little embarrassed at how little I contributed. She had her home extra tidied up and gorgeous, and all her china and silver out, and wouldn’t let me do much to help clean after.

It was a beautiful and girly spread of food, though, I have to say. N’s husband R made hummous, and N made spinach trianges with fillo dough, chocolate covered strawberries, and chocolate dipped macaroons. I’ve GOT to get her macaroon recipe. I made a trifle that I will totally make again, as well as these veggie tortilla rolls (I used spinach herb tortillas.) The rolls were pretty good, but were a little over-the-top creamy. I bet they could have used a half-cup less sour cream.

I’m not sure when I’ve used so much sour cream, cream cheese, and Cool Whip in an hour of food prep. I felt all Potluck Church Lady, but in a tasty way. Although I do think that if we’d had, say, a congealed salad with shredded carrots and some dump cake we’d have all gone into orbit.

I was a little pressed for time had no time for any non-Rainbow shopping whatsoever and was growing alarmed about what my gift for K should be. I wanted it to be incredibly special, but it’s just stinkin’ hard to shop with a little scooter, and we moved the date up on this shower so I didn’t have time for mail order. I realized, though, that I had a mini-wardrobe of lovely little Carter’s dresses and PJ’s and a sweater I had bought, up in Rainbow’s room.

You know, when we thought we might have a girl.

They still had the tags, and they were size appropriate for summer. I had tried to part with them before, when other friends had had baby girls, and even gone up to the closet to get them, but my hands would not comply. You never know, you never know… YOU know how it is.

But this time, it was different. I don’t think we’re having any more babies. By that, of course, I mean that I don’t think we’re adopting any more babies. I think I feel like most women feel: if someone died and the will read that I was to parent their kids, or if lightning struck my withered womb and plopped a baby in there, OF COURSE I’d raise and love and be grateful for that child. But I think I’m done with electing to have another baby.

I think I am.

And I think I’m fine with that.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jennifer
    Mar 06, 2011 @ 04:14:01

    So sorry I had to miss the shower (especially after I just read the menu!) 🙂 She is one of my favorite people, and I am just so happy for them. We are “done” as well, but holding their sweet baby sure did stir up some feelings of “I think I would love to do this again if some miracle happened.” Oh, and the story of Rainbow and his soft puppy a few posts ago was so precious!

  2. Mama Jamz
    Mar 06, 2011 @ 20:18:43

    Thanks, Jennifer. The first time I’d gotten to hold little K was at the shower, and she was just so sweet and dainty. I’m used to big, chunky boy babies, and little girl babies are like little teeny fairies. She felt about as heavy as a cupful of feathers.

    I’m so glad we were able to have a shower for them. I wish you could have been there, too. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  3. charmarie221
    Mar 10, 2011 @ 16:47:52

    I know that “finally done” feeling. It’s a very good feeling. I think because it means (in my case) I finally had some control about something. After years of hoping and being disappointed, then miscarriages and feeling despondent, to finally get the baby and love the baby. And say “Okay, I’ve done it one last time and now I can be finished.”

    As for the clothes, you have the added bonus of being able to see the little girl wearing them, which wouldn’t have been possible with an anonymous charitable donation.

  4. Melinda
    Mar 10, 2011 @ 18:13:46

    Can totally relate, as I also have some tiny pink clothes hanging in the back of the closet. From 2 years ago, when I was “positive” our second child was a girl. It’s hard to give them away without having that “done” feeling.
    My niece was born a couple of weeks after my son, and I could have given her the clothes. But I just wasn’t able to do it.

  5. Mama Jamz
    Mar 11, 2011 @ 20:40:52

    Yes, Char, that’s a big part of it. It helps that this little girl was adopted, too. I hope I get to see her in the clothes a few times. That will be sweet.

    Isn’t it funny what your mind/heart will allow you to do, Melinda? I don’t know what I was waiting for, other than feeling All Done, and nobody can force that on you.

    I had a little niece born a few months before Rainbow, and I actually went up to the closet to take out the clothes, and just could NOT do it. Sort of felt sick and claustrophobic and… just, nuh-uh. I’m hanging on to these. Even though they’re just clothes, and the clothes people will always make more, it’s hard to let them go unless you’re really ready.

    I tried to explain to my husband what a big step it was and I’m not sure he got it, entirely. He was all, Great! Somebody will get to use them! And I was like, Yes, but don’t you see what this means…?

    (cue pithy comment about men’s and women’s brains being different, right?)

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