on little cat feet

It started yesterday, the introspective malaise and feelings of inadequacy and vague sadness. It’s an ache in my chest, a wishing-things-were-different, an organ rejection of this sorrow that’s thrust in me forever.

I realized today that it’s because the Bad Time is coming, the anniversary of the Horror is on its way. I’m a dumb bunny crouching in the grass while the cat sneaks up on me: slow, intent, and dreadful.

FOG

by: Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)

The fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Leah
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 04:32:19

    I’m so sorry. I know what you mean. I’ve had unexplained sadness and my heart felt heavy, then I looked at the calendar and sure enough, July 21st was approaching. (My sister’s death anniversary) It will be three years. And it just doesn’t get easier. I’m praying for you and your family. I know Wardie will send you the strength you need to endure this dates. Greetings.

  2. Mama Jamz
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 16:25:06

    I’m so sorry, Leah, and also sorry I’ve taken a few days to respond. I’m kind of clunking along – doing okay, but not 100%. I hope so much that July 21 was kind to you. I know you miss her every day, but important dates are especially hard, for me anyway. Maybe now you’re feeling a little lighter and less pained, now that the date is past. I really hope so.

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